Slurpy Jerky 1B - The night the aliens picked me up

The night the aliens picked me up
I was sittin’ on a porch cooler a drinkin’, smoke’n and a toking
Their spaceship landed in my landlord’s pasture
Scared the cows and woke the shit of curiosity in me up

They said, “Buddy, we’re kinda lost here”
In a clickity clackity voice that I understood
HA!!, “Boys, me too, welcome to cluelessville
They asked if I knew where Earth was headed
I said, “Wow, Boy! Not a clue, but it’s a laugh a minute shit show.”

Chorus

The night the aliens picked me up
I learned the universe ain’t got it figured out
They crossed a million galaxies
Still drove around in circles’ full of where are we doubt

I asked ‘em all the questions
That a curious high fool might
And every answer only proved
They’re just as lost as a you and me

Verse 2

I said, “Have y’all met God in your travels?”
They said, “No, can’t say we have”
I said, “That’s too bad, he might’ve helped ya’all
With your interstellar lost in space blues.”

About then my stomach started growlin’
They handed me a mystery brew
Looked like beef jerky in a Slurpee
But I drank the whole sludge thing through

Chorus

The night the aliens picked me up
I learned good manners stretch through space and time
If a stranger feeds you a slurpy jerky
You just smile and say I thank you kindly alien sir

They said, “It’s a new local delicacy”
I said, “Wow, lucky me”
’Cause it tasted like a truck-stop milkshake
Mixed with an old well used work boot

Bridge

I said, “Can y’all drop me off in Milwaukee?”
They said, “Sure, we’ll beam you there.”
I said, “That’s mighty southernly kind of you”
You’re like the Uber of space

Then I asked, “Am I the first human
Y’all have ever brought aboard?”
They got real quiet for a second
And then said, “Actually… no.”
I said, “Who was first?”
They pointed at my jerky slurpy big GULP cup

Final Chorus

The night the aliens picked me up
I found out slurpy jerky had a name
I said, “Hold on, was that a person?!!”
They said, “Yep, and you’ll be the same.”

I said, “Dang, I kinda had plans
A wife, a mortgage, credit cards not to pay”
They said, “Sorry, friend, the universe has different plans for you”

Outro

So if a UFO pulls up beside you
And offers you a free ride through the stars
Ask a lot fewer questions than I did…

And definitely don’t eat the slurpy jerky. 🎵